You know the Passages commercial where he says “I used to be an addict. Now I’m not.?" Well, I finally identify. I finally get it. I am not an addict. I was addicted to drugs for over 5 years. But, that’s not me anymore.
One of the greatest honors in starting to write and be very, very public about my sobriety and recovery is being able to meet other artists and writers who are on the same path and the same journey.
Last month, I was introduced to several other writers while being part of a collaborative piece on Liv’s Recovery Kitchen. We have all decided to create a 12 series and release a new list of 12 things that have helped us in our sobriety on the 12th of every month.Read More
I am writing you this letter because I need to. I need to tell you some things, about how you hurt me, and the scars you've left. Things you may not want to hear. And I imagine you don't.
But people tell me it can free me from you.
Even after more than 2 years without you, I dreamt of you last night. You were all over my floor. I was in the bathtub. You were lying there, dripping wet. And I couldn't cross over you, without touching you. I heard noises and voices. They weren't real. But, that's what you do.Read More
So I stepped away from AA. I am not fully denying it, but for now, I am not a member. Nor do I have a sponsor. Or sponsees. And yes, I have worked all 12 steps and I still integrate them into my daily life. I am forever grateful for those steps.
I needed them, at the time.
Here’s the thing. We are allowed to change. This is one of the mantra’s that writer Laura McKowen continually promotes.
You are allowed to change.Read More
My boyfriend is a sigher. Or should I say, he used to be. He calls it stuffing, gently and/or harshly, he will stuff his emotions down. He will avoid the discomfort of confrontation, until it boils him away. He will smile as he is in pain. He will not ask for what he wants.
We had a talk a few weeks ago, about stuffing. Because this hiding of emotions left him in a constant state of passive aggressiveness one weekend. I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with him. He is usually sweet and loving and encouraging. He is the best man I know. But, when he hides from the words he really wants to say, he gets irritated and agitated.
Over the past two years, I am learning to be human again. I don’t fully understand addiction – the whys, the hows, the for what reasons? Is it a disease? Is it a choice? Does it stem from trauma? Is it genetic? Why are some people addicted and others not?
There are masters studying this very thought. I don’t consider myself to be a master. I am just a student.
The only truth I know about addiction is that it is painful. The best truth I know about sobriety is that it is miraculous. Even in the ins and the outs – the hard parts and the sad days, even in the downright disastrous experiences of life – sobriety is miraculous.